Blessings

This last week has been... stressed to say the least. So many things have gone wrong and been messed up. Plans have fallen through and feelings have been hurt. I feel like everything that could have gone wrong did. I know things happen for a reason, I don't know why and that bugs me like crazy. I like knowing whats going on, I like having a plan.
I've been reading a book one of my roommates let me borrow called "What I wish I'd known when I was Single." It's by John Bytheway and it's super good! It covers whole range of things for Young Single Adults. The last chapter I read was on not focusing on things you can't change. It was very eye-opening. I can't make people do what I want, I can't make things go my way. But I can change myself and work towards becoming a better me. Brother Bytheway said it best, "So what do we do? We try (and I emphasize the word try because all of this is easier said than done) to focus on what we can control, and we exercise faith about all the rest."
I can't control weather or not someone hires me, or if they suddenly decide that they don't need any extra workers. I can't control if guys are being jerk-faces, I can't control others peoples' feelings or how they react to something. I can, however, control me and how I react to things. If I don't get hired, I could go into a slump (I actually almost have a few times) or I could go to the next place and fill out another application, turn it in and hope for the best. I need to focus on the things I can control, and have faith about all the rest. I don't know how tuition is going to work out, or if I will have to drop a few classes. I don't know how many interviews I will have to go through before I find a place that will hire me. I don't know many things, a lot of things... to be truthful I don't know a whole heck of a lot of things, but I know I'm loved by my family, my friends and my Heavenly Father. And if nothing else in the world works out, I will have that. So instead if of dwelling on things I can't control, I'm gonna try to focus on things I can, and count my blessings along the way. Here are some blessings I'm grateful for:

1. Great romantic comedies

2. My awesome roommates who keep me entertained and on my toes

3. Going to In 'N' Out at midnight to quench a hamburger craving

4. Despite not wanting to hurt people, I'm surprisingly good at Karate

5. Somehow my finances seem to work out, even though I don't have an income yet

6. An awesome Ward and a great Bishop

7. Finding joy in the simplest things

8. I always have someone looking out for me

There are others, many others, I just can't seem to think of any right now. I know that soon things will get better, and I will get a job and be able to pay off my bills, I just don't know when it's going to happen. Soon, I hope. I don't want to drop classes, but maybe that's what Heavenly Father's plan is for me... or something along those lines.
Well, it's about 1:30am, I'm watching The Holiday with my roommates and wishing I had cookie dough. I'd better get some sleep soon, peace out!

More Adventures in Baking

I found a really cool recipe for a cake that I wanted to make for Break the Fast today.... It didn't turn out the way I wanted. It's a 4 layer, circle cake with whip cream and torte in between the layers. It looked perfect in the picture, and mine would have been perfect if I would have taken more time and used my head a bit more. The first circle cake came out great! I placed it in the freezer to cool down, then tried to cut it in half... I guess for that to work I was supposed to wait until the cake was all the way frozen, but I didn't have time for that. I tried to cut it, but it started crumbling so I decided that instead of a four layer cake it was going to be a two layer cake. I spread the torte on and the whip cream, then tried to flip the second layer on... and all heck broke loose... well, actually the cake broke loose. It was still too warm and it fell into a million pieces. I tried pasting it back together with whip cream, but it didn't work too well. Long story short, it did not go to the break the fast, and my roommates and neighbors will be enjoying a tasty yet unappealing looking cake tonight. I could have done worse, then again I could have done better... ;)

Money Money Money

What I thought was a for sure job at Allyse's bridal didn't come through, and my interview at Macys went perfectly until they told me they didn't have a spot open... So now I have the wonderful job of finding a job... whcih is a horrible job! I have seriously sent out so many resumes and filled out so many applications that I never want to see one again. But that's very unlikly. I need a job and I need one soon. I'm out of money... ish and tuition is coming up. Plus I have huge Ortho bills and rent and lots of other lovely stuff like food to pay for. I don't want to go back working for McDonalds, but I will if I have to. I just dispise working fast food...
Well, other than that I've started school. I love my classes and am enjoying life to the fullest. I have tons of fun with my roommates and really just need a job to make life perfect right now. I will soon have pics of my roomies up so everyone can see the fun people I live with!!!

"I didn't say it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it..."

Today has been basically indescribable. It started out with me waking up on time, getting my school stuff together, putting on my makeup and walking to school at 10:30 for Spanish, just to end with me flopping on my bed at 5:30 in a sobbing mess of tissues and sweat. Let me tell you what happened...

I get to Spanish and everything is fine. I find out what I need to study for tomorrow's test and I get extra credit for participating in class. The class ends early and I go to finish my paper for English that is due at 3pm. I finish the paper, find a place to print everything off and then it hits. That awful pain that's come once a month every month since I was 10. Of all days, it had to come today! "Ok..." I thought. "This is just going to get worse so you better take some ibuprofen." I look in my backpack to find I don't have any... and the pain is getting worse. I walk to the bookstore to buy some overpriced package of Midol and a soda to wash it down with since they were out of water bottles. I take two tablets and walk back to where my class is, I still had about an hour and a half before class starts, so I wasn't too worried about time.

The pain in my stomach from those stupid cramps were getting worse, not better, and I couldn't remember how long it took for Midol to kick in. I went into the bathroom (and yes, I'm aware that this might seem a little gross but I was desperate for somewhere cold.) and sat on the floor. I took off my shirt but I was still over heating and sweating and shaking... so I took off my undershirt and just sat there in my sports bra. I placed my undershirt in my backpack and took out the Midol box to read how long it takes.... that's when I read that you're not supposed to take it with soda, because the caffeine amount is already so high. So I place the soda in my backpack with my undershirt. I then realized that I only get lightheaded and shaky with cramps when I haven't eaten anything in a significant amount of time. I think most people would agree that 6 hours is a significant amount of time not to eat... especially for me. Here's a little secret about me, I eat a lot... Actually that's not really a secret. Here's the secret: If I don't I feel sick, whether or not it's during a certain time of the month or not. That's just me. So adding that to the pain I was already having was not good. After about 10 minutes I get up, put my shirt back on and go out to one of the couches and lie down. The Midol still hasn't kicked in....

After about 15 minutes of that I am sweating and overheating again... back into the bathroom I go! As I'm sitting of the floor I realize that i just stuck my hand in some wet liquid on the floor that was a a brownish color. You can imagine what kinds of things filled my head when I saw that. I smelt it just to reassure myself that it wasn't anything gross, and to my surprise, it smelled like pepsi... that's when I saw that it was coming from my backpack... where my textbook was... and my $900 laptop... and my $200 iPod.... I kinda freaked. I pulled out the soda that had leaked and soaked everything in the first pocket. Luckily, everything that was important was safe... but the entire bottom of my backpack was covered with soda. I went back out to the couch and lied down again. The Midol was kinda working, the pain would go away for a second then come back, then go away and come back again. Eventually I feel asleep, that's what I usually do when I have cramps. And it worked! I woke up at 3:55 cramp free... and missed my class. We were supposed to bring in our rough drafts today of our persuasive papers along with two articles supporting our thesis.... I now have to email my teacher and see if I can make up the points somehow.

I walked to Wal- Mart to grab somethings since I felt better. I put my backpack in the cart and walked around the store for a while trying to find what I needed. I found the heating pad on said for $11 but didn't manage to find the sheet things that stop my sheet from popping of the mattress before the cramps came back. I had to sit down for a bit and somehow stop the nauseous feeling. I buy the heating pad and go to McDonalds. The only way I was going to make it home is if I eat something. I ordered a side salad and a glass of water.

Ok, another secret about me: When I feel sick and cramping like that, eating is the best way to get rid of the feeling, except... I feel like throwing up for some reason. So I have to force food down - and keep it down- to feel better. Weird? Don't ask me why that is, I didn't make this body. I sat in McDonalds for I don't know who long slowly eating and and resting my body as best one can in a booth. I finally feel better and decide to get home as fast as I can before I feel sick again. I'm walking out when I'm stopped by two guys that seem fairly nice. They were running a table for an educational program by selling magazines. They were nice and it was for a good cause so I decided to subscibe to one. The guy said the magazines were regular priced subscriptions, but if you were going to subscribe the minimum was 2 magazines...Strike 1. This is where I should have been like Edy and said some wise thing and walked away... but I'm still learning and I said "What the heck." I could afford it and I like two of the magazines and it was only going to be about $30. So I slid my card and asked for a receipt... " They gave me a makeshift one and said I should get a more official one in about 2-3 days from the company. Ok, strike 2.... I was just ready to go home I shoved the receipt in my pocket and left. A half hour later I arrive home. I don't even make it 3 feet before I drop everything on the floor and lie one the couch. Home at last! I got this feeling to look at the receipt I got from the magazine guys... Strike 3.... $140! THEY CHARGED MY CARD $140!!!!! I almost fell of the couch I was so in shock. I called Wal- Mart to see if there was anyway I could talk to those guys. I'm sorry, but $140 is not the regular subscription price for two magazines. I talked to the Customer Service person, the guys at the table had already left. She also told me that this Educational Program was actually a contest to see who could see the most magazines. The winners get a trip to Ireland. Figures... as if this day wasn't bad enough this happens to me. It drops my current bank balance down to about $300. Which means, I HAVE to find a job this month.

I walk into my room and throw my stuff on the floor, collapse on my bed and just cry. I cried and cried and cried. It was all I could do. I made a list of all the things I was crying about. Surprisingly, a vast majority had nothing to do with what had happened to me today.

Secret: I tend to keep in how I feel about things until something pushes me overboard and I just explode... Which, an explosion for me is just sitting and crying forever. I realized that in the two months I've lived here, I haven't expressed any of the sad emotions I had. I miss my family. It's the week of the Family Reunion and I'm here. I spent the 4th of July by myself watching fireworks from my window because all my roommates were with their families. All I could think of was being at Grandma and Grandpa's watching the fireworks with the cousins and running through the forest playing Commado. Eating Grandma Jeannie's delicious food and Mom reminding me to help with the dishes. I miss the Redwoods trees and the Moonstone beach. I miss going outside and not feeling like my skin was on fire. I'm sad that President Floyd isn't the Branch President anymore, and I'm even more sad that Dad is the new Branch President and I'm not there to enjoy it. I'm heartbroken that I wasn't able to say goodbye to the ward that practically raised me in all their different ways. I miss babysitting the Lunds and sneaking over there after activities! I miss the Branch... Oh how I miss you guys. And I'm so unhappy that I won't be able to see two of my very best friends before they leave on their missions. I'm homesick. It took sitting on a public bathroom floor in my bra and loosing $140 for me to realize it and express it.

So I traded in my view of this...

For my view of this....

Cause I know even when it feels like the darkest of times, doing what the Lord commands is worth it... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Utah

Wow, I made a resolution to blog more and I haven't blogged in months!
I'm here in Utah! No, I didn't get into the Y, but I'm attending UVU with the hope of transfering in a couple of years. Yes, I am loving every minute! I have a great view of the mountains, UVU and the Y on the mountain from my window.
Adjusting has been fairly easy, it's been raining a lot which reminds me of home. The cars drive by fast on the wet roads sounding like the faint ocean, and as the trains go by every night at about 3am, it feels like tiny earthquakes shaking my bed. Due to a lack of car and licence I walk everywhere I need to go, which right now consists of home, school and Wal Mart. I can feel myself losing weight but I don't know if that's because of all the exercise I'm getting or because on somedays just stepping outside means sweating off about a pint of liquid.
School... what can I say about it that doesn't make me sound like I'm miserable? Math is math so I won't go there. My teacher is cool though, he was born in New Zealand and rasied in Australia, thats about the best thing about the class. The other class I'm taking this first block is Womens Safety and Self Defence. It is an amazing class. We do role playing to practice staying out of dangerous situations and go over basic strikes, blocks and kicks. We learned two different kicks yesterday, the front kick and the roundhouse. I was so excited when the professor said we were going to learn the roundhouse, I grew up watching Chuck Norris do it over and over again in Walker, Texas Ranger. The twist around really fast then nail you foot into the guys face... yeah, we didn't learn that one. The round house we learned is basically like a front and side kick combined, but it's still pretty cool. We're learning the back kick tomorrow and then try them out on the bags! I'm excited, I get to hit things without being worried about hurting them!
I really enjoy the class, and my teacher is the teacher for the Kenpo karate classes, so I think I'm going to switch my rock climbing in for that. Plus the fee for rock climbing is $95 dollars and the fee for karate is $5. See, there's an upside to hitting things!
My appartment is great, I love my roomates and neighbors. It's a really good place to live. I have four roommates right now, Alisha, Kylee, Brittany and Jillian. I still don't have anyone in my room yet, but I have a feeling someone is coming in soon... that means I'd better take all my junk off that bed... I love shopping at Wal Mart, everything is so cheap and good. Plus the have a little fabric section so I love looking at the fabric that they have on sale there. The whole cooking for myself is ok, I made rice last week, that didn't turn out so well, and I try to cook healthy things, but laziness take over or something so I usually eat whatever I have thats simple and fast. I blame it on the fact that I'm in college.... even though I only have two classes right now.
The next thing on my list is to find a job, I really need to work on that today. I want to work at one of the Bridal Stores, but that's because I just love looking at wedding dresses! But I don't think it will happen. I've applied to a bunch of places in University Mall, but no luck so far.
Well, my roommates are watching Spongebob, and I've spent the past ten minutes trying to write what should have taken about two. I'll be sure to write more once new, more exciting things happen!

Waiting.....

I find out if I've been accepted into BYU this week, and the waiting is killing me. I'm usually pretty good with having patience, I can deal with screaming kids and people who are over a hundred trying to order at McDonalds... but this! This is a real test of what I can handle. It's been a long time since I turned in the application, and I've been accepted to the I, now the only thing standing between me and knowing is one week. This one week will change everything about my future. If I get into the Y I'm going there... if I don't then I'm going to have some major praying to do about whether BYU I or UVU is best for me. Either way, April is approaching as fast as the train I will be leaving on, and a new life will be awaiting for me when I arrive.

Uhhhh....

I know I meant to keep up on my blogging, but in my defence: I no longer have wireless Internet in my house.. which means I no longer can just hop on the Internet whenever I feel like it. Which in some cases would be a good thing, I wouldn't waste time on facebook, watching movies illegally or surfing the web at 3 in the m0rning when I should be sleeping... But now, if I want to know what something is or what it means... I have to do something horrible and slow and horribly slow... look it up in a book!
Well, here are some updates...
I turned 19, which means if I was a guy I could go on a mission, something I really wish I could do!
I got a job working at the McDonalds at the Bayshore Mall. The food isn't all that great, my feet feel like someone beat them with hammers all the time and I feel like I just took a bath in grease when my shift is done, but it pays.... and is secretly fun!
Operation Move to Utah is coming along quite smoothly! I have dates and moving plans set up and ready to be activated. I've found options for living and suitable backups in case those fall threw. And my convoy is due to head out in the end of April or Beginning of May. All I need now is permission from the General to enter the Lords School.... AKA: BYU Admissions. :)
I found out yesterday that I was accepted into BYU Idaho, so that's exciting. I'm now just waiting to hear from Provo! I'm really excited, for all the new experiances, the new friends, new callings and classes... and callings in classes!!!! It will be fun, no matter where the Lord calls me to go!!!